Monday, December 04, 2006

"Tis the season to be jolly" Says who? Tis the season for rude jerks who try there damndest to ruin things for everyone.
For example, I drove into my local Wally world parking lot yesterday afternoon. Now first of all, any idiot who goes to Walmart on a Sunday afternoon is just begging for trouble, but,I had some shopping to do so like a dummy off I went.
After driving around the fifteen acre parking lot for ten minutes, I finally found a parking space pretty close to the county line, and sadly Walmart does not have trams to transport their patrons from the back forty to the front door. So, I had to hoof it the mile or so to the front door.
Inside was a scramble to grab a buggy. There weren't any in that lovely line up at the front door waiting for me like there usually is, so I had to keep my eyes on the checkout lines to see which sweet, considerate soul would actually carry his one bag with the loaf of bread in it to the carry by hand, and then rush over to grab the buggy before someone else scooped it up.
It took me three tries, but I finally nailed one, and of course it was the one buggy in the whole store that had a wobbly front wheel and veered to right hard while I'm pushing it.
So, one by one, I traversed the aisles, which took less time than normal because the shelves were virtually empty. Walmart has this annoying habit of stocking their shelves at night, so of course by mid afternoon the shelves are bare.
With my limited amount of booty I proceeded to the checkout and tried in vain to find a line that had less than twelve people in it. I finally found one. You know those twenty items or less checkouts? Right! There were three people in this line. Me and two others. I had three items, the other two people had upwards of the contents of a grocery store in their buggies.
The lady in front of me turned around and smiled and I looked pointedly at the twenty items or less sign and she just shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "Sorry about that."
So, lady number one has paid and is off, and lady number two proceeds to unload her buggy and half of items onto the conveyor belt. The cashier looks apologetically at me, then shakes her head.
Some twenty minutes later, lady number two is all rung up and then the fun begins. Her check, after taking a few more minutes to write out is spit back at her by the machine. Not to be deterred, she insists the cashier tries it again. She knows there's money in the account, she still has checks in the book! Lord love a duck! Okay, second time refused. Let me try this she says, dragging out a plastic card that looks for all the world like a debit card. it is. Now, if I'm not mistaken, if your check is spit out, it's kind a doubtful that your debit card is gonna work. And it didn't.
Still undaunted, she pulls out a succession of credit cards; all of which are denied. Finally in exasperation, she pulls out a wad of bills from her wallet and pays cash. Now why in the gay hell didn't she do that to begin with?
Finally I get to pay for my miserable little three items and make my escape.
And I"m lost. Where did I park that car? So now I'm wandering aimlessly up and down aisle after aisle trying to find my car and wondering why it is so difficult to find a black car?
Finally, after about a half hour I find it, and all I can do is just stand there and laugh like a lunatic. I know the people who were walking by must have thought I'd lost my mind, laughing like some escapee from the nut house, but honestly after my experience in the store, this just made my day.
Parked on my left, the driver's side, is a huge Ford dually, that is pulled in almost diagonally and so close to my car that Twiggy would have been hard pressed to get in the door!
I wanted very much to leave a note on this guys truck windshield asking him if he always bitch parked or if he was just an inconsiderate asshole during the holidays.
Merry Christmas y'all!!


Dorothy said...

Ewk. Just went on my first shopping trip of the season, and it wasn't too bad. I actually had fun...I'll have to blog about it. But, generally, I hate Christmas shopping!

Schuyler Thorpe said...

Shit! And I thought the Wal-Mart next to us was bad! lol

Just a bit of irony: THE WALKING DEAD-VOLUME 5-TB has a Wal-Mart in Georgia after the zombies took over the world.

(And yes...there is NOBODY alive in that store! >think evil thoughts<)

jbwritergirl said...

Ahhhh!!! Don't ya just love Christmas? LOL.

Theresa Chaze, Wiccan Writer said...

Familiar scenes. To bad so many people have forgotten the spirit of the season--peace, love good will toward all.

theauthormike said...

Sorry for your suffering, but you do have a way of making me laugh. Thanks, I really needed that.